So often, we believe our story is already written…and ruined, at that. The things we’ve already said or done we can’t take back. They’re etched into our big FAILURE folders in our minds, always there as a reminder we’re never going to be as good as we want to be.
Can I just say, “Stop it.” Really, just stop.
“God knows your sin but calls you by your name.
Satan knows your name but calls you by your sin.”
God sees your worth. Regardless of what you have done. No matter the circumstances. You are His child. We’re not defined by the choices we’ve made.
Each day is a gift; a new chance to show the world that God has not only chosen us but transformed us into a better person. I can’t tell you how many mistakes I’ve made in my life. I’m really bad with relationships. Before I met my husband, I was horrible at dating, in fact, the longest dating relationship I had was about eight weeks. That’s not all. I’m not a great friend, either. I don’t have wonderful relationships with my extended family. I tend to speak my mind when I shouldn’t. I have a bad habit of being confrontational, an open-book attitude, and it has gotten me in lots of trouble.
Now that I’m older, with four children that barely have a family to call their own because of my wrongdoing, I have regrets. Through my failure, I have failed my kids. When my Mom passed away about eight months ago, she was the only person I had in my life that I felt loved me unconditionally. It was then that I realized I had to learn to rely on God’s love and His love alone.
When you’ve never done this, it’s hard. It’s hard to rely on someone you cannot see and often don’t understand. I may not have seen His face, but I have seen “Him” in the blessings around me. I don’t understand His plan for my life, but He has always carried me.
We often tend to forget what kind of blessings we’ve been given. Through Jesus, I absolutely believe in the power of Grace. We’ve been faced with some hard times this year in my household. We’ve lost loved ones and my husband’s job. We’ve taken on more than we bargained for, like added expenses and moving 1,000 miles away at Christmas for my husband to take a new job.
One of the things that sparked our “grace” conversation this week was the fact that we’re house hunting. If you’re a renter, you know what I mean when I say it feels like we’re laying our lives out on the line to be picked through and judged as to whether we are “good enough” to rent the house we want. It’s overwhelming. I told my husband this week that I’m so grateful that we don’t have to do this often because it really takes a toll on your self-esteem.
Amid all this, we’re realizing we aren’t as prepared as we should’ve been. We’re not measuring up to be everything hoped we’d be at this point in our lives and it’s disappointing.
Hillsong United has a song called “Splinters and Stones.” He sings,
“All this time, like a river running through my failure,
you carried me all this time.
Like the splinters buried in your shoulders
you carry me now.
Hallelujah, if ever now my heart cries hallelujah.
If ever now, in the wonder of your grace,
1,000 times, 1,000 years my soul will say, Hallelujah.”
We’ve made mistakes, and we’re not happy, but for whatever reason, today- This is where God has placed us. Whether He arranged it, or allowed it, this is where we are. Hallelujah.
We’ve had a horrible year, but it has been the most productive year for our family to date, from my husband venturing into management territory, gaining himself a new area of experience to me, publishing my first ever book and launching the Finding Her ministry. Hallelujah.
In the wonder of God’s grace, we’re here today, making big plans to do better and be better in the days ahead. I’m learning more each day that God’s not through with me yet. He knows my name. He calls me His child. He carries me. He loves me anyway. HALLELUJAH.
My story is just beginning, and it’s because of God’s grace. Yours is, too. No matter what plot twists come your way, He’s carrying you. Remember who you are, but most importantly, remember WHOSE you are!
To be continued…